How to Talk to your Fianc_e about Money

Since money is the number one cause of marital discord, according to Dr. Howard Markman, Co-director of the Center for Marital and Family Studies at the University of Denver, a mutual financial plan is vital to the success of your marriage. Many engaged couples get so caught up thinking about groomsmen gifts and bachelor parties that they lose sight of the post-wedding party portion: the marriage, and its monetary realities. Though you may be reluctant to broach the subject of money for fear of upsetting your fiancée, head off arguments with a sit-down discussion about money management style, financial expectations, and the economic background behind each person's financial views. Trust us; before you start picking out groomsmen gifts and wedding china, have this one simple talk that could save your marriage. The decision whether to get a prenup, have joint or separate accounts, or life insurance options are all based on personal preferences. But here are a few broad guidelines for how to make a successful financial plan for the future: Tell no secrets, tell no lies. When it comes to money, honesty is not only the best policy; it's the thing that keeps couples out of debt, out of jail, and out of divorce court. It sounds harsh, but hidden debts or secret spending can deplete a financial fund irreplaceably-and damage a marriage permanently, so if you find yourself disguising how much money you're spending on groomsmen gifts, take that as a warning sign. Before you get married, talk honestly about any debt or expenses you have. Similarly, define your terms for "luxury" and "necessity." It's fine for a couple to agree they want to spend 70% of their wedding funds on necessities and 30% on luxuries, but if she considers oxygen facials to be luxury bridesmaid gifts, and his idea of luxury groomsmen gifts is McDonald's coupons, therein lies a problem. Not an insurmountable problem, but an issue that requires pre-marriage resolution. Timing is everything. As with any other hot topic, be sensitive about when you approach the money discussion. Is your fiance exhausted from an early morning meeting, or bummed out about an argument with a friend? Now is the time to keep mum on the M-word. A hot-button discussion under these kinds of circumstances will only lead to explosions. Spend a fun day shopping for groomsmen gifts or honeymoon resort wear. Afterwards, time your talk for a quiet dinner out, where you are both relaxed and romantic, as well as obligated to remain calm and couth. By gently working money talk into your romantic routine, you will demystify finances and not fear future discussions. There are limits however; you might do well to ban money talk from the bedroom! Debt is the Devil. Make getting and staying out of debt a priority during your wedding planning. If your fiance has her heart set on a princess wedding, take a second job or petition relatives, but don't max out your credit card on groomsmen gifts and wedding favors. One day, no matter how important, is not worth the months or even years of debt that can result from wedding planning. Similarly, work out a plan to pay down student loans and individual debt so that it doesn't carry over into the marriage. If necessary, postpone the wedding until these debts are paid off. It may sound extreme, but baggage of any kind should be dealt with in advance in order to have a happy, stress-free marriage. Also, the less debt you have, the fewer bills there are to bicker over later. Common Goals are Key. Money talk shouldn't be all depressing. To engage your fiance in money talk, maybe after a day out shopping for bridesmaid or groomsmen gifts, start out the conversation by asking about her dreams or goals for the future. Get excited talking about your dream home, a fantasy vacation in Greece, or owning your own vineyard. Then bring the discussion down to reality by saying, "Cool, let's figure out together how we can accomplish these dreams." Now is the time to talk about putting away ten percent, investing in an IRA, cutting down on dinners out, 86ing the gold-encrusted cufflink groomsmen gifts, or whatever it will take to help you get to those goals. Don't Discount Childhood. Not to be too Freudian, but since different spending habits have the potential to hurt our partner or be taken personally, its important to get a perspective on where your fiance gets their money management style from before you have a blow-up argument over the groomsmen gifts budget. For example, it may irritate you that your fiance constantly nags you about paying bills. You're a grown man. Of course you're going to pay them! But one simple talk may unlock the fact that when her parents divorced, there was no guarantee the bills would be paid, and so what you perceive as nagging is just your fiance's way of reassuring herself that her future is stable. Similarly, if you spend money like its going out of style, she may learn you have insecurities about your looks or status that could be resolved in other ways, like working out together or just more compliments from her. Taking a look at childhood could also help you to make better financial choices and build a stronger relationship. Using these tips to talk to your fiance about a financial plan for the future could save your marriage, so be sure to have this chat before you splurge on reception halls and groomsmen gifts. Don't let dollar signs get in the way of "till death do us part." Being open and honest will lead to a happy and secure life together. Some information taken from Ladies Home Journal

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A Groom's Guide to Cost-Cutting

Happy-go-lucky grooms may think their work, expense, and effort is done after they buy the ring and pop the question. In truth, their expenditures, both emotional and financial, have most likely just begun. In modern times, the idea of a bride's parents paying for everything is about as old-fashioned as a guy giving a herd of cattle in exchange for his bride's hand. The days of dowries, hope chests, and arranged marriages are over. Tribes will not be united by you and your lady's nuptial acts, nor will epic battles be ended. Therefore, in the new world of just-you-and-me modern marriage, the expense of a wedding often lands primarily on the bride and groom themselves, with both sets of parents pitching in to some extent. Therefore, be advised grooms, it is a much better idea to involve yourselves in the wedding planning, lest your blushing bride wreak havoc on both your bank accounts. Rather, being the traditionally stingier sex, it is a groom's responsibility to be involved in creating and adhering to the wedding budget. But don't panic guys. There are a few simple ways you can accomplish this that doesn't require you attempting to superglue your bride's veil to her head. Here are a few non-emasculating, hands-on ways a groom can help save money during his wedding so there's enough money left over for decent groomsmen gifts. We'll call it a groom's guide to cutting wedding costs. One: Just say "when". One huge wedding cost-saver that doesn't involve hours of shopping in Brenda's Bridal Bargain Basement is simply expressing a desire to have a fall or winter wedding. To your bride, this suggestion will seem sweet and romantic. Little does she know you just saved a bunch of money by switching to a cheaper wedding season. Because spring and summer are peak popular times for weddings, there is much more competition for reception & ceremony sites, bands, caterers, wedding cakes, you name it. In the sunny seasons, costs skyrocket as couples vie for top notch wedding supplies, so save a little dough by having a beautiful wedding amid autumn leaves and pine forests, or frosty white mountains and barren snow covered fields. Bonus points for combining your bachelor party with Oktoberfest. Two: Location, location, location. All this talk of mountains and forests brings us to our second wedding cost-saver, choosing an inexpensive wedding location. Outdoor venues such as mountains, meadows, cliffs, and clearings make for beautiful natural ceremony sites, without all the extra costs. Factor in a fabulous wedding reception in a nearby lodge, barn or beach and you have the makings of a sensational and cost-efficient wedding, and there are no better groomsmen gifts than promising your buddies they won't have to drive far to get to the ceremony, especially in this day of pricey destination weddings. Three: Rehearsal "Party". One sneaky cost, traditionally paid for by the groom's parents, is the rehearsal dinner. Since it's your folks that are paying footing the bill, you are perfectly within your rights to suggest a few cost-saving alternatives to the traditional rehearsal dinner. Instead of a fancy sit-down affair after the wedding rehearsal, select another one of these super and significantly cheaper ideas, and label it a "Rehearsal Party". One way to do this is to tie your rehearsal event in with your wedding theme. If you are getting married in a barn, how about a rehearsal hay ride, with all the wedding party piling in for a fun-filled romp under the stars. Finish with apple cider and pumpkin pie at the groom's parents home. Or how about a rehearsal drive-in. Rent a big projector and invite the wedding party over to tailgate for a fun night of watching wacky wedding movies, like "Wedding Singer" or "Father of the Bride 2". Get your bride's annoying younger brother and friends to serve as waiters, handing out cups of gourmet popcorn and bottled cokes to your guests by bribing him with baseball cards or booze, depending on how old he is. These are a couple fabulous and financially manageable ways to save money on your rehearsal dinner and consequently, your wedding. Note: save the serious speeches, sentimentality, and stumbling drunkenness for the wedding night. The wedding rehearsal should simply be a night to relax, have fun and blow off some wedding stress. Four: Never say "Wedding." When shopping around for a tux, flowers, groomsmen gifts, cake, or honeymoon accommodations, it is in a groom's best interest to never say 'wedding'. This is a duty better suited to the groom, since ecstatic brides generally cannot resist blurting the details of their impending nuptials to anyone who will listen. Being the strong and silent man of few words that you are, it is the groom's jobs to cajole the caterer, intimidate the organist, and flatter the florist into giving you the best wedding deals possible, playing hard ball the way only a genuinely indifferent groom can. This is best accomplished by never letting on to these greedy salespeople, waiters, and entertainers that it is your wedding day you are planning. To the sales industry, a wedding is a perfect chance to exploit jittery fiances into paying much more than they should in order to ensure that their wedding is "perfect". Being the more cool-headed sex, it is the groom's job to casually inquire about "special occasion accommodations" and "banquet servers" never once mentioning the big W. If caterers think you are planning your son's bar mitzvah, they won't be as anxious to sell you on the 80-foot ice swan and ballerina-shaped butter pats. Five: Wholesale is your friend. Admittedly, this step of a groom's guide to cutting wedding costs does involve a little shopping, but it's the fun kind. Stores like Sam's Club and Costco sell wine, liquor, lights, food, and even flowers in bulk, which can save you big bucks on wedding expenses. Stock up on vino, sodas, snacks and more, then reward yourself with a stop in the electronics section for groomsmen gifts and something nice for yourself, too. If this sounds daunting, just imagine your bride's face when you come home laden with armloads of white votive lights and Lilly of the valley. Okay, so you might have to make a little room for the lilies in your walk-in lobster freezer, or clear out some Christmas decorations to make room for a thousand tiny tea lights, but hey, marriage is all about compromises right? Just as long as they aren't compromises to the wedding budget. Six: What to Wear? Many brides are catching on that there are great wedding attire deals to be had online, at consignment stores, and even at costume shops, and these new cost-cutting trends can apply to grooms too. Of course, renting a tux is the obvious money-saver, but what if you could buy a tux on Ebay for the same cost as a rental? Or maybe find an antique morning suit at a local thrift store for half the cost of a tux. If you and your bride are having a theme wedding, renting or buying wedding attire from a costume shop is often a cost-cutting and creative way to dress for the big day. Seven: Do it yourself (or get friends and family to do it). All men know when it comes to home projects, it is an insult to a man's pride to call in a professional when he is certainly capable of doing it himself. Try and adopt this manly attitude towards wedding planning, because way too much wedding money is often spent on the middleman. Forget the wedding planner, forget the wedding plan's assistant, forget the professional cake taster, and don't fly in the Chinese calligrapher that specializes in authentic Asian wedding invitations. No, groom, like so many things, the time has come to roll up your sleeves and do it yourself. You might be surprised how much fun you actually have in the process. Have a blast with your bride, putting together a special CD mix of your favorite songs for the reception in exchange for great groomsmen gifts. Make your buddy's day by electing him as DJ. Spend a delicious day tasting cake with your loved one, and then consider finding a like recipe and having family members recreate the cake for your big day. Enlist your groomsmen to help with set-up and teardown of the ceremony and reception in exchange for great groomsmen gifts, and enlist the same pesky brother-in-law to valet with more bribes. By putting in a little personal elbow grease and getting some help from your friends and family, you can save significantly on wedding costs. By following these seven simple steps, you will save yourself post-nuptial financial ruin, and all the while your bride will be thinking what a sweet, thoughtful, and involved groom you are, and how adorable it is that you are finally bonding with her brother. Now, instead of worrying about how to repair the financial havoc wrought by your wedding, you and your new bride can focus on things much dearer to a groom's heart, like the honeymoon. Some cost-cutting suggestions courtesy of www.sideroad.com., www.suite101.com, www.weddinglocation.com

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Financial Tips For Marriage

by George LaPorte To most young couples, budgeting refers to the price of groomsmen gifts and whether you will get steak or chicken for the reception dinner. However, there are some other financial issues that you will want to address as soon as you tie the knot. Some of the items on the list below might not sound like things a young couple really needs to consider yet, but they are. You're doing more than just choosing your favorite cake and the best groomsmen gifts, you are now planning the rest of your life with a partner. A savings plan, health insurance, owning property, and a will are the key areas in which a couple must develop strategies in order to secure their present and future lives together. The following descriptions of these categories will give you a start to beginning this process: Develop Easy-Access Savings: Build short-term savings that are easily accessible - you can easily start planning this right now, figuring it into your budget of every day meals and wedding expenses like groomsmen gifts. A good game plan is to have three to six months' worth of salary as an emergency fund. Money market funds, certificates of deposit and treasury bills are all good short-term savings avenues for a newly married couple. Consolidate Medical Insurance: Look at consolidating your medical insurance. If you both have group plans, and you are each paying part of the premiums, you might be able to save money by dropping one plan and having the other cover you under the family premium-and hey, that will be money saved for groomsmen gifts and filet mignon entrees. Evaluate Term vs. Permanent Insurance: Your choice between term and permanent life insurance depends on your resources and your stage of life. For example, if you are young and money is so tight you're making your guys share groomsmen gifts, term insurance, usually less expensive than permanent insurance at the start of a policy, may be the best choice for short-term need. For lifelong needs, permanent insurance may be the best option as it builds cash value over time and, if adequately funded, provides long-term insurance protection. Establish A Will As Soon As You Are Married: If you and your spouse pass away without an established will, a court or state laws will dictate how your assets will be distributed. Consider Savings Percentages: Try to save 4 to 8 percent of your gross income while you are in your 20s and then double that savings percentage as you reach your 30s and 40s. In some instances, a dual-income couple might be able to live off one spouse's salary and save the other salary. You can even start saving immediately by choosing what you splurge on - how many groomsmen gifts do you need to give, really? Transfer Spouse's Property: If you choose to place property in your fiance's name, avoid the federal gift tax by transferring ownership after the marriage. The law allows an unlimited transfer of assets between a married couple without gift taxes, provided the spouse is a U.S. citizen. Once you've got these bases covered, by all means, go back to shopping for groomsmen gifts and giggling about your bright future together-because now you've made sure it's secure. George LaPorte resides in Charlotte, North Carolina and works for an insurance company. © 1998 Marrying Man Group

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