Mind-boggling, Budget-busting Wedding Records

There is something about human nature that makes us want to “one-up” each other. From SAT scores and the square-footage of homes to the numbers of push-ups and zeros on our paychecks, people – especially guys – like to compare and compete. For goodness sakes, this is how the Guinness Book of World Records came into existence; man needed a way to record random accomplishments and set the bar higher and higher for the next guy to bust his butt achieving. Well, you will be happy (or horrified) that the details of your wedding are not immune to this drive to climb to the top of the heap and get noticed for being bigger, better, more expensive or some other sensational superlative.

Here are some record book wedding achievements that will make your jaw drop and your bank account shudder. You may want to keep your bridezilla away from this list!

Imagine what the crumbs cost? The most expensive wedding cake was created by a bakery aptly named Cake. The eight tiers of buttercream and spongy goodness will bring grown men to tears; the cost is a whopping $52,700,000 dollars thanks to the 4,000 real diamond embellishments. The typical cost for a wedding cake, as reported by The Knot, is just $540. So you do the math? Would you rather have one consumable cake and life in a trailer park or an “average” cake with an additional $52,999,460 for the fabulous mansion of your dreams. Either way, you need to get yourself a “rich-looking” leather wallet and several more for groomsmen gifts.

A single slice would suffice! Now, most men we know would be more interested in the size of the wedding cake rather than the actual design. Who cares if it is encrusted with diamonds, edible gold, intricately basket-woven frosting and delicate candy flowers. Just how big is that bad boy? The world record for the largest wedding cake is held by the chefs at Mohegan Sun Hotel and Casino in Connecticut. It weighs in at 15,032 pounds and could feed a literal army.

Until death do you part. Marriage is a lifelong commitment, a pact to stay together for better or worse as long as you both shall live. In some unfortunate situations, spouses die an untimely death rendering the marriage shorter than expected. In other situations (that some men might also describe as unfortunate), the spouse just keeps on ticking as in the case of Herbert and Zemura Fisher who were married for an amazing 86 years, 9 months and 16 days! They must have married very young. On the other hand, if you get married older, you probably won’t be married as long -barring unforeseen medical breakthroughs. The oldest combined age of a couple on their wedding day goes to a 95 year-old bride named Lillian Hartley and a 98 year-old groom named Allan Marks. This puts their combined age at nearly 194 years!

Their progeny will be basketball stars. The tallest married couple on record goes to Anna Hanen Swan (measuring in at 7 foot 5.5 inches) and Martin Van Buren Bats (7 foot 2.5 inches) for a combined height of 14 foot 8 inches. We heard a rumor that the groom hates it when she wears heels because it makes him feel “so short.” Okay, we made that part up. And by the way, check out our basketball inspired groomsmen gifts.

So, are you feeling the need yet to make your claim for fame when it comes to getting married? First look at your obvious physical attributes. If the two of you have 12 toes AND mismatched eyes (one blue and one brown), you may have something to lead with. Second, look at your bank account and decide if you can afford the most expensive pair of engraved cufflinks, a super-ultra-luxury bachelor party or even outrageous groomsmen gifts. Or third, assess your talents to see if you have an aptitude, skill or the stamina to get you into the record books. For example, do you think you could juggle your way through the whole ceremony and reception? Or, how about literally making a 100-meter dash down the aisle in less than 9 seconds?

Let us know your prospects for making wedding history in the comments below.