Never Say These Five Things to Your New Wife

Guys, IÍm here to say that you need to put a filter on what you say, if you want to keep your marriage alive and well. There are certain things you never, ever want to say to your wife under any circumstances. There will be unpleasant repercussions, some of which you may have already learned by trial and error during the engagement period. You might get a good laugh out of this list; but trust us, she wonÍt. Say these things and she might cry, storm off, or freeze you out for months. WeÍre not telling you to lie. But, if you get put on the spot with a seemingly no-win question like, ñdo these jeans make my butt look bigî, just re-evaluate how your answer of ñnoî really is the truth. I mean, ñnoî those jeans donÍt make your butt look big when compared to a 300lb guest on the Jerry Springer Show. Keep that last part to yourself. Here are some other things you should never mention to your Misses.

ñI donÍt.î or ñI wonÍt.î This is the ultimate no-no when it comes to ñwhat not to sayî to a woman, especially if youÍre standing at the altar with her. So, assuming that you said ñI doî and the wedding went on, make sure to always answer her queries in newlywed life with a ñyesî. Yes, I will pick up my socks off the floor. Yes, sweetie itÍs okay if your mother comes to visit this weekend. Yes, I can clean up my clutter of sports magazines. ArenÍt all of these ñyesesî building your case for having a dedicated room to serve as your man cave. Yes!

"Your best friend is hot." Even if sheÍs a super model and your wife talks about how gorgeous she is herself, this is not a topic for you to comment on. Saying, "Oh really, I never noticed," does come off as a load of BS, instead just turn the conversation to the beauty of your wife. ñWell, her hair and eyes donÍt compare at all to yours, honey.î Honestly, one of the best gifts from the groom to the bride is a lifetime of sincere compliments. Then you can just gawk on the sly.

ñI can only see your mustache when you stand in the light.î Never suggest that such a beautiful maiden should use your razor and badger brush; you will be badgered for a lifetime. ñYou have a hair sprouting out of your chin,î is only something one woman can say to another. A solution, buy a magnifying glass and feign interest in a weird mole that has popped up on your neck. Inevitably, she wonÍt be able to resist the mirror, will take a peek, and discover the wayward whiskers on her on.

"You are exactly like your mother." Even if her mother is the most awesome lady on the planet, no daughter wants to hear these words leave her husbandÍs mouth. There always seems to be some issues in even the best mother-daughter relationships; hearing that sheÍs picked up her annoying traits is going to tick her off, even if itÍs true. Also, never compare her to your mother as in ñyou should really learn how to make my momÍs lasagna; itÍs better.î

ñWhere do we keep the (soap, scissors, or whatever).î It seems like asking such a simple question shouldnÍt be a big deal. However, experience has shown that your wife is probably going to get mad if she has to tell you where everything is all the time. This will be especially inflaming to her if itÍs asked in a way where youÍre secretly trying to get her to go find it so you donÍt have to be bothered. If you need to stay organized, invest in some of our leather catch-all trays that we sell as groomsmen gifts at

So, ïfess up? Have you ever said anything yet to your bride-to-be that you wish you could have taken back? Let us know in the comments below.