Sorry to tell you, but even if you're feeling relieved because she said "yes," you're not out of the woods yet. Sure she is going to do the majority of work for the wedding, but rest assured, there is a lot of stuff that can go into the Big Day-and that includes details that are the groom's responsibility. Our advice is that you rent a convertible and head strait to Vegas. That way, you don't have to deal with all the wedding hoopla. If this isn't an option, however, and there's no getting out of throwing this shindig for all of those relatives you've never seen before, we give you The Lighter Side of the Groom's Check List.
6-12 Months Before The Big Day... You've Got Plenty Of Time On The Clock
- Buy the ring. Promise rings don't work, and stay away from the eBay.
- Discuss with fiance the date and type of wedding you want. Make sure it doesn't conflict with your sales meetings, important playoff games, etc.
- Choose your best man and wedding party. This is your starting lineup.
- Start on your guest list. Think about who will give you large amounts of money.
- Discuss and finalize a budget. Very important, fellas. Ever go into a strip joint with unlimited funds? It's the same idea with women and weddings, so get control quickly.
- Limit asking yourself if she's the one to 16 times a day-that's once every waking hour. She must be the one...after all you asked her to marry you, right?
3-5 Months... Second Half Of The Game Has Started
- Shop with fiance for wedding rings-the band that goes with her diamond ring and your ring. In other words, keep forking out the cashola.
- Complete guest list and include names, addresses and phone numbers- a major pain, to say the least. Better learn how to use Microsoft Excel.
- Select tuxedo with fiance. Try to go on a Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday, because tux shops are less busy on these days.
- Get tux measurements of all attendants in your party.
- Discuss the honeymoon, and begin working with a travel agent, or start scouring the Internet for great travel deals. This is an area you can pretend to be interested in, especially if you can find a fantastic honeymoon package.
- Decide on a band or DJ and choose the music. Again, an area you have some interest in. Bring your iPod with all your favorite music so you can easily reference songs with the DJ. Trust us, your fiance (and the DJ) will be impressed.
- Discuss moving in together or buying a new home. Hats off to you if you can afford one after the wedding.
- Budget check time. You are the Chief Financial Officer in this case. Ask your fiance for a recap. Warning: don't wait until you're 60 days away from the wedding or you can count on her being to be over budget.
- Notify your business associates of the dates of your wedding and honeymoon.
- Stop thinking about one last fling-well, you can think about it, just don't do it! It's time to be man and welcome married life with open arms!
2 Months... Better Start Making Some First Downs
- Meet with officiant to finalize ceremony details. Be prepared to answer how you fell in love, what you both do to resolve conflict and your religious backgrounds. Your goal here is to be politically correct.
- Discuss with your best man his responsibilities. He's the team captain, so make sure he takes his role seriously. You will need the help, trust us.
- Plan your rite of passage - yup, it's your bachelor party, with booze, poker and strippers. Don't go out to a NICE dinner with the guys because she says so.
- Arrange accommodations for out-of-town guests. Get this off your plate and give the responsibility to your fiance.
- Stay out of any family disagreements. It's a no-win battle. Might as well start practicing this now.
- Figure out seating chart with your fiance. Your fiance doesn't know Auntie Bee hates Uncle Bob unless you tell her.
- Start jogging a couple of times a week. It's a good stress reliever, and if you can't take the pressure anymore, just keep running, running, running...just kidding, you aren't going anywhere.
1 Month... The Blitz Is On!
- Purchase gifts for the guys in your wedding party (aka groomsmen gifts).
- If you both agreed to a prenuptial agreement, have it drawn up and signed.
- If gifts are being exchanged, buy the present for your fiance.
- Spend, spend, spend! Hey, it doesn't get any better when you're married. Again, might as well get used to it!
- Make sure all of your guests have RSVP'd, wedding rings are in hand and tux details are complete.
- If moving, give change of address card to post office, contact utilities companies, etc.
- Buy Tagamet and/or Zantac for your stomach. You can purchase it over the counter now, and don't worry-it's not a tumor, just nausea.
2 Weeks... Out Of Time-outs
- With your fiance, gather necessary documents and get your marriage license - yes, it's really happening. Eat toast in the morning, no eggs...keep it bland.
- Arrange wedding-day transportation.
- Get your hair cut. Don't wait 'til the day before. Allow your hair to grow in. You don't want that new haircut look in your wedding photos.
- Now you can offer to assist your fiance if needed, because by now everything should be taken care of anyway.
- Reconfirm all honeymoon details.
- Finalize all business responsibilities and prepare to be gone for a couple of weeks.
- Have your bachelor party, because it's your night and you're going to need it! Remember, no pictures.
- Use the air conditioning a lot. It helps keep the clamminess away.
- Buy six sessions at the tanning salon if you're looking pale at this stage.
- Remember to get those groomsmen gifts! Won't do to tick off your teammates...
1 Week... 4th Down, No Time-outs
- Pick up tuxedos and make sure you try it on again. Nothing like high waters to kill the look.
- Take off a few days from work. You will have a lot to do this week.
- Notify your wedding party of the time of the wedding rehearsal and dinner.
- Throw out your little black book. What part of "it's all over" don't you understand?
The Night Before... Throw The Hail Mary Bomb & Hope
- Stay calm because chances are there will be problems that will arise. Anytime your mom and mother in-law are together, there are bound to be problems.
- Have a brew and rent a video. We recommend Dead Man Walking with Sean Penn.
Congratulations! You're Ready For A Wonderful Wedding Day. Hey, you made it, buddy. Enjoy, because it's your day too!