Top 10 Worst Wedding Songs
Posted by AMIT SUTHAR
It's your wedding reception. You're on the dance floor breaking it down to Beck's "Hell Yes," and then the unthinkable happens: your idiot DJ decides to change the tune with Kanye West's GoldDigger. "She take my money, when I'm in need/Yeah she's a trifling friend in deed/Oh she's a gold digga' way over town/That digs on me." Your new wife glares at you. Followed by dropped jaws from her relatives and cough-chuckles from your groomsmen. The dance floor clears and you pull your bride aside for your first big apology as a married man. You go from a happy groom to Ike Turner. "Baby, I don't think you're a gold digger. The DJ put that song on, I swear. Take me back baby, take me back." To avoid such a horrific scenario, rather than giving the DJ your playlist, give him a don't playlist. Listen to the lyrics not the beat and don't let these bad wedding songs happen to you. 1.White Wedding ~ Billy Idol "Hey little sister who's your superman/Hey little sister who's the one you want/Hey little sister shot gun!" Our take: Is it just us or does this song have an underlying incestuous connotation? We're aren't sure whether Billy wants to marry his little sister, shoot her, or if he dislikes her new husband. Even though the title is White Wedding, no one should ever play this tune at a wedding. Not even ironically. 2. Another One Bites the Dust ~ Queen "How do you think I'm going to get along/ Without you, when you're gone/You took me for everything that I had/And kicked me out on my own/Another one bites the dust/ Another one bites the dust" Our take: If you're not the first one in your group to get hitched, your mischievous groomsmen might request this Queen anthem at your wedding reception. Hold off on giving those groomsmen gifts until after the wedding. That way, if they pull any such pranks you can get a refund. If you really want to 3. Friends in Low Places ~ Garth Brooks Blame it all on my roots/I showed up in boots/And ruined your black tie affair/The last one to know/The last one to show/I was the last one/You thought you'd see there/And I saw the surprise/And the fear in his eyes/When I took his glass of champagne And I toasted you.... Our take: It's a great karaoke song, but if you listen to the lyrics, it's about an estranged-ex-turned-cowboy wedding crasher. Not appropriate for a wedding. And for that matter, neither are cowboy boots. Groomsmen Gifts Hint: Got friends in low places? Give your buddies groomsmen gifts like tavern signs or beer steins. 4. Every Breath you Take~ The Police Every breath you take/Every move you make/Every bond you break/Every step you take/ Ill be watching you Our take: If you request this at your wedding, you have some serious stalker issues. Expect a restraining order to arrive at your home immediately following the wedding. 5. My Heart Will Go On ~ Celine Dion Every night in my dreams/I see you/I feel you/That is how I know you go on Our take: Unless you want to give your guests the message that your marriage is a sinking ship, leave the Titanic song off the playlist. However, My Heart Will Go On is oddly suited for funerals. 6. Butterfly Kisses ~ Bob Carslile There's two things I know for sure/She was sent here from heaven and she's Daddy's Little Girl/As I drop to my knees by her bed at night/She talks to Jesus and I close my eyes... Our take: There's one thing we know for sure - this is the worst wedding song ever. Suggest your bride-to-be not pick this barf-inducing melody for the "father-daughter" dance. "Butterfly Kisses" lost any meaning it once had when it was played at every wedding in the late nineties. The bride might cry, but the guests will surely roll their eyes. Another terrible song for a father-daughter dance: "Thank Heaven for Little Girls." Unless your bride and her father perform in musicals together leave this creepy tune off the playlist. 7. It's My Life ~ Jon Bon Jovi My heart is like an open highway/Like Frankie said/I did it my way/I just wanna live while I'm alive/It's my life Our take: Suppose you request "In My Life," by the Beatles and your DJ accidentally puts on this Jon Bon Jovi hit. It's best not to declare that your heart is like an open highway at your wedding. What does that mean anyway? And who's Frankie? "I just want to live while I'm alive" wins the worst-lyric-ever award. 8. She's Having A Baby~ Dave Wakeling Mixed drinks and mixed emotions/You feel the beat of a brand new heart/All change/She's having a baby/It draws you close as it/tears you apart Our take: Don't announce the bride's pregnancy at the wedding and definitely don't do it with this cheesy number. Also, who is having the mix drinks? We hope it's the father of the unborn child, not the pregnant mom. 9. If you Want to Be Happy ~ Jimmy Soul "If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life/Never make a pretty woman your wife/So from my personal point of view/Get an ugly girl to marry you" Our take: Don't ever sing along to this in front of your bride - period. Jimmy Soul might be happy with his ugly wife, but you have a beautiful bride. We'd like to pretend this song never happened. Unfortunately, it gets stuck in your head and you can't help but to hum along with it every now and again. 10. I Will Survive ~ Gloria Gaynor "Go on now go walk out the door/just turn around now'/cause you're not welcome anymore/weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye/Oh no, not I I will survive/as long as i know how to love/I know I will stay alive" Our take: Not a wedding goes by where we don't hear this famous breakup ballad. Every time it's played, all the of the bridesmaids flock to the dance floor pointing at the groomsmen like we're responsible for breaking Gloria Gaynor's heart. Doesn't exactly put you in a lovin' mood, does it? Now that you know what the worst wedding songs are, shop for the best groomsmen gifts at Groomstand. Don't forget to let your groomsmen and wedding DJ know about your new "don't playlist".