A few weeks ago, I received a Labor Day wedding invite. Along with the RSVP, the couple asked for a song I'd like to hear at the wedding. What an awesome democratic idea!
One problem: I received this invite on June 26th. The day after Michael Jackson died. Since I couldn't stop 'till I got enough, I made my tribute to the King of Pop... along with every other guest attending the wedding.
Now we've all stopped. We've definitely had enough. And this Thriller of an idea went Bad in a hurry.
Thanks to this wedding's theme of overplayed popsongs, here's a tribute to the top 10 over-played wedding songs.
Top Ten Over-Played Wedding Songs
YMCA by The Village People
Why... are we still doing this? If you want to look like a hairy dope, just start spelling out words with your arms. Fun Village People Factoid: Some of the Village People are actually married. But no woman could tie down our good friend Chewbacca!
Shout by the Isley Brothers
Totally effed out. Compared to anything we hear nowadays, this sounds like half a song. I could care less about all of the crowd interaction. Get down, stand up... do the hookie pookie and turn yourself around - I could care less, and so should you.
Butterfly Kisses by Bob Carlisle
Talk about gag. The song stirs up sob emotions during the father/daughter dance. This cliche snoozefest is the equivalent of the Zamboni song at a hockey game -- it's a terrible song but it corners the market, so it always gets a play. Great for old folks with no taste or the hearing impaired.
Celebration by Kool and the Gang
The best songs allude to how you feel, they don't repeat the action that you should be doing at that very moment. Yes, we're celebrating, but I don't feel the need to shout "celebrate good times, C'MON!" every time I'm happy. That's like singing, "I like food" every time I eat.
Macarena by Los Del Rio
You don't know what they're saying. You don't know why you're sticking your arms out. Who thought this was a good idea?
Friends in Low Places by Garth Brooks
It works as a karaoke song, but I you listen to the lyrics, it's about a estranged-ex-turned-cowboy wedding crasher. Major league bummer when it comes to wedding songs. Groomstand hint: Got friends in low places? Give your buddies groomsmen gifts like tavern signs or beer steins.
Stayin Alive by the BeeGees
A curse is put on John Travolta's right arm. The only reason we still play this song is he makes it so easy to dance to... but it's totally not. We all look like dorks. Fun Saturday night Fever Factoid: The sequel aptly named Staying Alive was directed by Slyvester Stalone. Apparently Travolta's Saturday Night Fever was still burning, which sounds like a God awful STD.
The Electric Slide by various artists
This is the only hope for our rhythmically-challenged friends to get on the dance floor. I don't know what's worse: the people who take this dance routine seriously because they practice every Wednesday night at the ole log cabin tavern, or the unwilling suckers who don't know the steps. Just the thought of line dancing makes me shudder.
Hot, Hot, Hot by Buster Poindexter
Even though Buster was a pseudonym for David Johansen, he looked like a d-bag, and so will you when you're rockin' out to this irritating song. When you start your conga line, play something that doesn't sound like skinning a cat.
Thriller by Michael Jackson
News Flash: It is no longer awesome for groomsmen to do the Thriller Routine. If you don't take it seriously, then you look like a drunken mess. If you do take it seriously, you look like an obsessed weirdo trying to dance to a 20-year-old music video. Give up the dream. This bride and groom should have.