Grunt-worthy groomsmen gifts are simple. Finding Valentine's Day gifts for your girlfriend makes your heart pound... with anxiety. If you get her a vacuum, expect her suck out your tiny brain. Present her with tacky, red lingerie and she might refuse to wear it. Whether you give her a blender or a fistful of wilted carnations, one bad Valentine's gift and you're screwed. She'll tell her friends, her mom, and everyone within earshot how much your V-Day gift sucked. When February 14 rolls around, pony up, get your love lasso ready and wrangle in heart-melting Valentine's gifts. If you give any of the below V-Day gifts, plan to spend a night or two on the couch.

Here are 14 Valentine's Day Gifts Never to Get Your Girlfriend:

14. Gas-station balloons, candy, or carnations - Says: "Baby, I love you so much I drove by the gas station on my way home and picked out these wilted pink carnations." Gas-station teddy bears and glittery roses are so seventh grade. Set the mood with a white wine glass set, candles, and a homemade dinner for two. 13. Ugly sweater plastered with hearts.- Says:" Be the weird woman festooned in hearts from head-to-toe and scare off the neighborhood kids. Ps. I don't want to have sex with you." Sure she wears her heart on her sleeve and has a growing collection of ironic snowflake sweaters. But your bride-to-be wants sexy and there's nothing sexy about a garish Grandma sweater. Give your precious a pretty pink camisole set instead. 12. Valentine with corny joke.- Says: " I don't get you at all." She opens up a Valentine's Day card expecting sweet sonnets and Browning-eske love limericks. Instead, she's greeted with: What do farmers give their wives on Valentine's Day? Hogs and Kisses! After she opens this card, you're the hog now buddy. 11. Push-up bra. Says: "I think you need a boost." No self- improvement gifts. Ever. Same goes for groomsmen gifts. 10. A puppy. Says: "I love you so much, I'm giving you a wiggly puppy that will encumber you for years....and as a complete surprise." Puppies don't make good groomsmen gifts, Valentine's Day gifts, or any gift. Unless you've had " the talk " about animals and she's really ready, pass up that doggy in the window. Ruff. Ruff. 9. Cash. Says: "Don't know what to get you.... do my shopping for me please." Can it get any more romantic than cash? Passing the buck to her so she can do her own shopping puts you in the pathetic category. 8. Household appliances. Says: "Don't sleep with me... sweep for me." Just because the appliance is pink does not make it Valentine's Day appropriate. Ultimate fail. 7. Cheap jewelry. Says: "I'm cheap." Red is the color for Valentine's Day. But no lady wants an itchy red rash. When it comes to jewels, splurge. A pretty pearl bracelet and locket guarantees a knock-out love fest later. A faux-gold chain guarantees a trip to the emergency room.

6. Sports sign. Says: "I want this for myself." Lots of women like sports. But most ladies don't want to be reminded of sweaty football players on the most romantic holiday of the year. But cheers to personalized sports signs as groomsmen gifts! 5. Pregnancy test. Says: "Oops" Valentine's Day isn't the time to spring an oops situation on her. Nor is it time to question her protruding mid-section. 4. Diet chocolate. Says: "You've been packing on the pounds, so I got you a pound of sugarless chocolate." How thoughtful. She's expecting gourmet Godiva truffles and you show up with sugarless bon-bons better suited for diabetics. She'll certainly get the hint with this tasteless gift. 3. Love coupon book. Says:"Just what you wanted. Hugs, kisses, and chores that you should get for free." Groan. We heart love-coupon books when rosy cheeked kiddies give them to their moms. But the coupons for an extra night o' nookie will collect dust in the junk drawer forever. Make her a photo album of your favorite memories instead. 2. Tickets to a sporting event. Says: "You like sports, right?" Nothing says romance like a hot dog and thousands of screaming fans. Sports tickets are far better as groomsmen gifts or Valentine's Day gifts for him. 1. An all-expenses-paid lunch with you and your mom. Says: "I want to kill two ladies with one V-day lunch." Lunching with your favorite ladies as a V-Day gift makes you look like a momma's boy. Take them out separately. Take our poll and tell us what takes the pink cake as the worst Valentine's Day gift ever. Now that you know what not to get her for Valentine's Day, check out heart-melting Valentine's Day gifts for her. And don't forget about those groomsmen gifts available at GroomStand.com.