You hear about marriage all the time. You go to the comedy club and listen to some hack drone on and on about how much he hates his wife. You turn on the TV and it's yet another sitcom about a poor married shlub. How does marriage really change things? If she nagged you endlessly to get those groomsmen gifts or pay the wedding photographer, are you in for a lifetime of hell? Read on for 15 real ways marriage changes your life.

After Groomsmen Gifts: 15 Ways Marriage Will Change Your Life

1. You will be crowned the official spider killer of the house. Wear your shoes on your hands and always be ready for creepy crawlers. 2. You will love your wife more than you ever thought possible. 3. All the bacon you bring home gets pooled into a joint checking account. This means you can no longer buy a PlayStation instead of fixing the dryer. 4. You'll inadvertently see at least one hour of Oprah a week. You will be asked to discuss Dr. Oz and Suze Orman. If you don't know who they are, don't worry, you will soon. 5. Instead of spending your Saturday watching the game or geeking out with the X-box, you'll spend 8 hours navigating a shopping labyrinth known as IKEA. You might not even walk out with a single piece of furniture. If you do, you'll be up until 2:00 a.m. putting it together while she rests peacefully. 6. Your comic books, guitars, and sports memorabilia will be designated to one area of the house. It might be your office. It might be your man cave. Here, it's ok to cry. It's also the one place you can hang out with the groomsmen.
7. You will entertain other couples. Dinner parties and dominoes will replace those wild Fridays of your bachelor days. You will discuss things like mortgages, careers, and kids at length. 8. You'll never see a movie or go to dinner alone again. You'll have a date for every event! 9. You'll quickly learn that "in sickness and health" really means "in sickness and health." When she's got the gripe, you'll love her, phlegm and all. 10. You'll catch your wife in at least one heinous act: Dancing to Abba in a bathrobe with a beauty mask on. Under no circumstances laugh at or imitate this dance. 11.You'll no longer get out of the house in holey trousers or worn out shoes. You'll start wearing cardigans even if you despised them before. 12. Despite popular belief, you'll most likely not be forced to turn your back on your best buds. However, poker night might be shortened to three hours instead of six. GroomStand hint: Get your guys poker sets as groomsmen gifts and go to their houses instead. 13. You'll be required to have healthy food in the house. If your wife is a chronic dieter, you'll start to learn all kinds of nutritional information. You'll become concerned with things like fiber and vitamin D even though you could have cared less before. Cranberry juice will replace the beer. 14. Once they see the wedding ring, people (even strangers) will ask you when you plan to have kids. 15. You'll have in-laws. The size of your holiday gatherings and barbecues will double or even triple. You'll have to schedule holidays and vacations to the hour so that each family gets equal time with the couple.
Whew! After all that, still ready to get those groomsmen gifts? Shop for groomsmen gifts and everything else you'll need on the Big Day.