10 Commandments of Steak Brands (Hint: Don't Use These Groomsmen Gifts on Living Things)
Posted by AMIT SUTHAR
Steak brands and grilling accessories make the best groomsmen gifts for carnivores. But when you hold a steak brand in your hand, certain temptations arise. Should you brand your cousin, your doorknob, your dog? Here are 10 things never to brand, no matter how hilarious. Print these commandments out and give them to your buddies with these grilling gifts for groomsmen. And never be the first one to fall asleep, just in case your boys get brand happy.
I Your Boss's Forehead - If your boss falls asleep at the office, you might be tempted to use this custom steak brand on his forehead. What better way to get him back for making you work over the weekend? Using a steak brand on your boss it the quickest way to get fired. It's also the quickest way to become an office legend. II Your Neighbor's Cat - Your neighbor's cat hangs out in your yard and you're a dog person. Should you mark the beast with a steak branding iron and send it packing? Not unless you want to be arrested for animal cruelty! Use these branding irons on hamburgers and steaks only. And keep a garden hose nearby for the cat. III The Sun - If you can face the sun's fiery surface, go ahead and make your mark. But unless you're a superhero, we advise against it. The moon is fair game. IV Your Drunken Buddy - Every guy who owns a steak brand iron once looked at his passed-out buddy and thought to himself, "should I brand his arm, leg, or forehead?" Drunken buddies are the forbidden fruit of the steak brand commandments. Stick to markers if you can't resist the urge to decorate your sleeping friends. Nothing ends a party faster than a trip to the emergency room. V Your Sister's Obnoxious Boyfriend - He might be skeevy, but he does not deserve a steak brand to the head. At your next family barbecue, treat him to a loogie burger branded with your initials. He'll get the hint. VI Politicians - You might be tempted to use these republican and democrat steak brand irons on politicians that oppose your views (or even to brand yourself a loyal party member) but don't do it! Instead, brand a steak and serve it up on election night. Warning: expect a heated debate if you serve a republican steak to an Obama fan. VII Your Arm (or any other limb) - Don't use these grilling groomsmen gifts to brand your arm or any other limb. The only thing worse than a bad tattoo is a brand with your initials. Can you say narcissist? VIII Important Documents - It's tempting to use this single letter steak brand anytime you see "initial here," on a document. Go back to elementary school science and research what happens with paper and fire. Still tempting? Think about how you'll explain to your fiance that you lit the marriage license on fire. IX Your TV - Yes, it's yours, but you don't have to mark it with your initials. A simple sign that reads, "don't touch," will do. X Your Fiance - It's sexist and the fastest way to get dumped. Read this perfect husband guide book and get help if you even considered branding your girlfriend. If you can't trust your boys with these steak brands search for groomsmen gifts that don't involve fire. Remember guys, safety first.
Thou Shalt Not Brand
I Your Boss's Forehead - If your boss falls asleep at the office, you might be tempted to use this custom steak brand on his forehead. What better way to get him back for making you work over the weekend? Using a steak brand on your boss it the quickest way to get fired. It's also the quickest way to become an office legend. II Your Neighbor's Cat - Your neighbor's cat hangs out in your yard and you're a dog person. Should you mark the beast with a steak branding iron and send it packing? Not unless you want to be arrested for animal cruelty! Use these branding irons on hamburgers and steaks only. And keep a garden hose nearby for the cat. III The Sun - If you can face the sun's fiery surface, go ahead and make your mark. But unless you're a superhero, we advise against it. The moon is fair game. IV Your Drunken Buddy - Every guy who owns a steak brand iron once looked at his passed-out buddy and thought to himself, "should I brand his arm, leg, or forehead?" Drunken buddies are the forbidden fruit of the steak brand commandments. Stick to markers if you can't resist the urge to decorate your sleeping friends. Nothing ends a party faster than a trip to the emergency room. V Your Sister's Obnoxious Boyfriend - He might be skeevy, but he does not deserve a steak brand to the head. At your next family barbecue, treat him to a loogie burger branded with your initials. He'll get the hint. VI Politicians - You might be tempted to use these republican and democrat steak brand irons on politicians that oppose your views (or even to brand yourself a loyal party member) but don't do it! Instead, brand a steak and serve it up on election night. Warning: expect a heated debate if you serve a republican steak to an Obama fan. VII Your Arm (or any other limb) - Don't use these grilling groomsmen gifts to brand your arm or any other limb. The only thing worse than a bad tattoo is a brand with your initials. Can you say narcissist? VIII Important Documents - It's tempting to use this single letter steak brand anytime you see "initial here," on a document. Go back to elementary school science and research what happens with paper and fire. Still tempting? Think about how you'll explain to your fiance that you lit the marriage license on fire. IX Your TV - Yes, it's yours, but you don't have to mark it with your initials. A simple sign that reads, "don't touch," will do. X Your Fiance - It's sexist and the fastest way to get dumped. Read this perfect husband guide book and get help if you even considered branding your girlfriend. If you can't trust your boys with these steak brands search for groomsmen gifts that don't involve fire. Remember guys, safety first.
