Tech Savy Wedding iPhone Apps for the Groom

Ever thought about making your iPhone your best man? Sure, your freshman roommate might throw a mean bachelor party, but there's no way he's willing to: A) propose for you, B) create and organize your wedding guest list, and C) confirm your honeymoon travel plans - all without ever asking for a groomsmen gift. For the gigabyte-crunching groom in 2010, all you need are these wedding iPhone apps to guide you along every step of planning for your Big Day this summer. The iPhone Appealing Future of the Proposal Did you already forget the four C's in diamond shopping? Skip the cut and clarity rant from the jewelery-store clerk with the Go Diamonds iPhone app. Complete with pricing calculator, this iPhone app has enough photo illustrations and diamond factoids to keep Holly Golightly and her croissant glued to that glowing touch screen all day long. For many geeky grooms out there, grand romantic gestures might not be in their wheelhouse. Fear not my spineless brethren, as we turn to the Proposal Will You Marry Me iPhone app. Grab a hold of your gal pal's iPhone or iPod touch, and for 99 cents you can place a heartstring tugging app that asks "Will you marry me?" with a picture of fireworks and an open ring box. For those of you who enjoy iPhone apps with logical and grammatically correct product names, the iPropose iPhone app shows a picture of a wedding cake with that magical question in the background. As an added bonus, this 99 cent iPhone app has a "Yes" or "No" button for the bride-to-be to enjoy. Luckily, the app designers agreed the third option of "drop dead you prick for not asking me in person" was in bad taste. Ticky Techy Wedding Planning Before you order your personalized cufflinks as groomsmen gifts, make sure you don't make a fashion faux pas on your big day. What better place to find the latest trends than the Esquire and GQ iPhone apps. For just $2.99, you can read up on the latest issues and view all of the striking photos. While you might not get the entire issue each month, each magazine offers a monthly iPhone supplement of its magazine for the onetime fee. After you enjoy the bachelor party with your bros, count down the last remaining moments of singledom down to the second with the Wedding Day iPhone app. It's not a ton of value for a dollar, but after your wedding, the counter remains active so you always know when your anniversary is... once again, down to the second. Don't know if you've saved enough for the big day? Trust me, you didn't. A great way to count the debt you're soon to accumulate is the Wedding Budget iPhone app. With categorizing and calculating functions, this organization app ties up all your loose ends so you don't forget to tip your affiant. Creating your wedding guest list can be a real hassle especially if you're under a budget. With the iWedding Deluxe iPhone app, you can calculate how much each guest will cost, as well as their meal choices and seating plans for the reception and rehearsal dinner. If $7.99 is too rich for your blood, try the 99 cent Guest List RSVP iPhone app instead. After Wedding APP-lanning There isn't enough time in the day to plan for a wedding and a vacation at the same time. Since you're going to do it anyway, let the GlobeJot iPhone app do the work for you. This trip organizing app keeps track of you fight and hotel reservations so you don't need to dig around in that bulky carry-on pack ever again. Now you can get to the hotel stress free so you can finally get down to business - a nice relaxing nap.

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Very Manly Wedding Cake Toppers

We get it. You love your soon-to-be bride and want to give her a dream wedding, down to the very last detail. But if her dream wedding means this:you may just have to put your foot down. Because in the end, the wedding cake topper is going to be the only thing (other than ridiculously cool groomsmen gifts) that you will have any control over.you may just have to put your foot down. Because in the end, the wedding cake topper is going to be the only thing (other than ridiculously cool groomsmen gifts) that you will have any control over. Wedding Cake Toppers Made With You In Mind The Sports Guy Score a touch down (with your bride in tow) with this playful football topper. We all knew it was only a matter of time. You're fiancee is sure to come around and root both for your favorite team and for this dueling sports team cake topper. This "No More Playing the Field" wedding cake topper is a shout out to you and all your groomsmen, and the glorious days of bachelorhood. The "I'm Really Into My Mode of Transportation" Guy Announce yourself as a true outdoors-man forever with this hand-blown glass mountain biker wedding cake topper. On the off chance you met your bride on the trails, the company makes a female version as well. This little piggy is going to get married! With a rip-roaring Harley hog topper you and your sow-to-be will be in hog heaven. A crotch rocket? A beach? Your bride? What could bet better than this all-you-can-ask-for wedding cake topper?The Obscure Hobbies and Passions Guy Nothing says "Man Wedding" more than a web-slinging superhero covered in blood, cake topper style. A robot topper is your ticket to a funky, unique, kind of nerdy wedding cake. We're not sure who Chewy is supposed to be in this Star Wars cake topper scenario, but if you have a thing for Ewoks and Endor, this is the one for you.You may be really into Mr. & Mrs. Smith. Or you may both me secret agents with the CIA. No one will ever know the truth, even with a secret agent wedding cake topper. The Funny Guy You're proud of your shiny dome, and with a bald groom wedding cake topper, there can be no awkward questions: "Why does your topper have hair when you don't?" Because you're that good. Because you want the world to know it. Your bride can't keep her hands off you in real life or as a cake topper. This glass caveman cake topper will show everyone who's boss. A customized bobble-head topper puts you on the same level as Ichiro, Ken Griffy Jr, and Gary Peyton. Maybe even Dwight from The Office. Very manly. Very, very manly. Every guy has a little of this Bart Simpson wedding cake topper in him, deep down. You're wedding is guaranteed to be ape-wild if you sport a King Kong topper on your cake. Go for it - just make sure not to squeeze your bride too hard.

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The Man's Guide to the Wedding Show

You might think the purpose of a wedding show is to appease giddy brides-to-be by engulfing them in a plethora of wedding planning mayhem. Well... you're right. That's exactly what a wedding show is, but that doesn't mean wedding shows are off-limits to dude fun. Take it from me, a guy that actually survived a wedding show - you might just enjoy it. I'm not saying you need to set up a MAN DATE with a chilled chardonnay in personalized wine glasses just in time for the afternoon fashion show (although, there was some hot talent that was worth eyeing.) Honestly, there's cool stuff to see and do, but you've got to know what you're looking for. Use this step-by-step guide to keep you safe and sane as you enter the bridezilla gauntlet. How to Survive a Wedding Show Step 1: Go Sober The night before, do not slug down two pitchers of beer and some mystery "red drink" as you bitch about the impending death of your manhood - like I did until 2 am. Step 2: Prepare to Eat! The best freakin' part of wedding shows are the free samples. We're not even talking Costco ham-on-a-toothpick samples. This is the big leagues. There were hors d'oeuvres as far as the eye can see. Crazy awesome wedding cake around every corner (I had one with orange liquor that tasted like an orange creamsicle.) There was even a guy handing out crab cakes! Bottom line; it was freakin' sweet! Step 3: Look at Dude Stuff It's hard to squeeze around the tables of flower girl jewelry and pastel parasols, but the outside booths of the show are where it's at when it comes to guyville wedding action. I ogled at all the getaway cars (one even let me jump inside a classic Rolls-Royce.) Just so you know, those old cars are just that - they're old. They even smell old, which isn't totally a bad thing, but it hugs the line between "vintage leather" and "black mold." Step 4: Don't Look at Brides-to-be Turns out most of the women there are in committed relationships - who would have guessed? However, drooling at pretty people wasn't off limits at the fashion show. It was super femmy, but I got off my feet for a while - so in the end there was no harm, no foul. Step 5: Plan Your Escape Early While wedding shows are almost enjoyable, but they're not better than drinking and football. This is a gigantic research day, and if you didn't come prepared to book a DJ or reserve a venue, you're just on collecting business cards mode. Give yourself an excuse to get the heck out of there after an hour or two and you'll stay sane while getting something out of this wedding show experience.

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GroomBob 2.0: Oh, the Horrorscope

By Bob Since the last time I wrote, things have been pretty smooth. I've picked my groomsmen (see the last post) and even bought them gifts. Jane and I settled into a routine: Saturday mornings we visit caterers, check out wedding cakes, and add stuff to our registry. Saturday afternoon we go hiking or something to burn off the stress of it all. Sundays she talks to her bridesmaids for a few hours. Then I made the huge, catastrophic mistake of showing her a Chinese astrology book at the neighborhood Barnes & Noble. Until we checked our chinese horoscope, that is. Now, before I go any further, please realize I'm not a real superstitious person. I don't throw salt over my shoulder, I don't think it's bad luck to see my fiancee in her wedding dress before our wedding, and I don't think stepping on sidewalk cracks will injure my mother. But I find the Chinese zodiac totally addictive. It's bizarrely accurate at times, and great fun to read. Where else can you tell someone they're a Yellow Pig and not get smacked? Anyway, I showed her the book. I'm a Monkey: Born in July 1968. I fit the definition pretty well too: Glib, kind of cynical, you know. I thought Jane was a Dragon a perfect match for me. We'd just been getting snippy with each other about our choice of wedding invitations, so I figured I could show her that our marriage is fate and win some points. So I crack this book, and Jane's looking, with her hand resting on my shoulder a sure sign of a thaw in relations and we start reading. She was born February 1, 1964. I turn to that page in the book. She's not a Dragon, she's a rabbit. Heh, I say, what do you know, you're a rabbit, not a Dragon. Do Rabbits and Monkeys get along? she asks, brow wrinkling. My palms start to sweat. Uh, sure, I say, Let's go look at computer books. But it's a halfhearted attempt. I've taken us down the path and there's no way out. Jane starts reading. Rabbits and Monkeys are not a good match, according to the book. A Rabbit is better off marrying a Goat or a Pig. Jane's frown deepens. My mind starts racing how do I get out of this one? It's just a horoscope, dear, don't sweat it, I say, trying to take the skeptical route. I know that, she says, but it's still depressing. We leave the bookstore, and for the rest of the day a heavy silence lies between us. The Chinese have cursed us. Our romance has no hope. We'll probably end up one of those bitter old couples that eats dinner in a restaurant in complete silence except when one of us comments the other isn't getting enough fiber or something. That night, we went out for you guessed it Chinese food. We would've changed our plans at that point, to avoid some kind of bolt from above, but we were meeting friends. We're sitting there in uncomfortable silence. I pick at my fried noodles, not really enthusiastic while my friends crack up about some joke. How can they laugh at a time like this? When the whole universe is against you, it's hard to be cheerful. I stare down at my plate, and then realize that my placemat has, of course, a Chinese zodiac on it. I look, figuring I can confirm the disaster and then choke on an eggroll or something. But as I read I start to grin. I poke Jane and she reads it, too. Then we're both giggling like schoolkids. Our friends look at us like we're nuts, but we don't bother to explain. This particular copy of the zodiac says that Jane is a Dragon. Apparently there are different versions of the zodiac, and they vary by as much as a week. We decided, then and there, that this was our reference. Saved, by a cheesy paper placemat. Who would've thought? Until next time, —Groom Bob A note from Groomstand: Who is Groom Bob? We received this note from 'Bob' last week. Hopefully the lessons he learns about groomsmen gifts, ettiquette and yes, the Chinese zodiac, can help you out, too. Stay tuned.

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181 Things To Do Before You Get Married

Are you having enough trouble just remembering to get your groomsmen gifts? Well it turns out that before you make it to the altar, you have a much longer list of things to accomplish than just that. We asked everyone from single guys to married women for their advice on what to do before you get married, and compiled an exhaustive list of everything that needs to happen before you tie the knot. Get ready, guys! Before you start checking off this list, shop for personalized groomsmen gifts at https://branddepot.com/collections/groomstand Get your finances in order Have a bachelor party Buy new underwear Go to Las Vegas Buy a house Travel to Europe Get a prenup See her without makeup Take a good long look at why you are getting married and be able to know why Make sure you're financially ready- SAVE, SAVE, SAVE Throw away all traces of past relationships Get premarital counseling. Reassure friends that they will remain important and spend time with them Pick at least one planning task and be involved and enthusiastic Make sure you have a decent job. Make sure you have a place for both of you to live that will be big enough. If you haven't already, a guy might want to get going to a strip club out of his system in case the wife doesn't approve. If you're sexually a bit curious, visit a gay bar to check out those feelings before taking the plunge. Do something really, really nice for the future mother-in-law. Call it "insurance." Get in shape Plan and pay for an adventurous honeymoon Get plastered and then sleep as late as you want. Fart whenever and where ever you want without being jabbed in the rib cage. Have as much sex as possible, before the wedding band cuts off circulation. Lock out all the channels on the cable service that do not have sports on them. 1 more night out with the guys. Get a hooker Get rid of all your porn Order and pay for all the tuxes Discuss money with your spouse Get a marriage license Decide where you will live Plan a wedding Get a gift registry Insure the wedding rings. Find a location for the ceremony and the reception. Do a cake tasting. Make sure she's the one Relax! Get acquainted with your bride's parents and friends Tell her all the truth about your past relationships and your health /if you have any health problems. Go on a road trip Clean out the basement. Get rid of all old girlfriend pictures. Buy all new underwear. Evaluate life plans and goals/future plans Go away for a weekend by yourself for your last real alone time. Define the chores and who does what Seriously diet. Pick out your tux Make a list of people to send announcements to so you aren't hitting your head or apologizing to those you forgot after the wedding Call your mom. Send out invitations Order alcohol for reception Get horribly drunk on your stag night. Rethink if you really want to get married Have your hotel reservation done for the wedding night Decide what type of birth control you are going to use before the wedding night Pick a best man. Go over health insurance information, legal papers and will. Buy a wedding ring Choose a best man Pay off as much credit card debt and student loans as possible. Become well liked by her family and friends. Hang out with your boys Talk about kids. Talk about future finances. Talk about family Go diving Go Skydiving Go SCUBA diving Have a wild time out on the town without your spouse to be. Begin pulling away from the friends you tend to spend most of your time with because you will need the additional time with your new spouse for a healthy solid marriage. Start thinking like a married person. Singles can be very self-centered because they are used to living by themselves, eating by themselves, choosing what they want to watch on TV, and when they want to go to bed. Marriage means you will need to take into consideration the other person's wants, desires and needs. So you might as well start practicing early. Rehearse proposal Clean the diamond Cook dinner for the future in-laws. Do something ridiculous like skydive or bungee jump. 79. Have sex with 50 other girls Find the one woman in your life that meant the most to you before you started dating your future wife, and make sure you're not still in love or have any "special feelings" Find out if your fiancee has any debt that you may be inheriting by marrying her. Find out if she is on any medication for a mental illness or has ever been hospitalized for a mental disorder. Listen to everyone if they are all saying you should not marry this woman even if you have already sent out invitations and made other financial commitments. Go on a camping trip with your prospective bride, one without electricity or water, and in a location where cell phones don't work, then see how well you get along. Revisit all of the sports you like to personally do, or watch and see if she minds you playing or watching them. Write a list with her about pros and cons of marriage and see how you two match up. Enjoy your life... Figure out what your fiance wants to do before that time and help her. Meet with the officiant Have a fling Buy a special wedding day gift for your new spouse Purchase a tux; you'll love owning one and the rentals are universally awful and ill-fitting. Establish whether and when you will have children. Hang out with your single friends. Remember to ask permission from the in-laws if you didn't do it before. Find a caterer Prepare your vows. Go on a week long bender Buy a motorbike Discuss future career, education, and moving plans Get life insurance Make sure you're going to live in another town as the in-laws Tell all the other girls you're seeing it's over...at least for some time Make all your ex-girlfriends jealous Kill your soon-to-be mother-in-law Experience a threesome Travel to Australian Outback Buy your dream item (ie: a Hummer) Tell your families and friends that you got engaged Dating Kissing Flirt with others Have sex with another woman. Travel somewhere without the future wife. Discuss religion of kids w/ future spouse, if relevant Discuss who will be paying for wedding, if relevant Make sure that ALL of your previous relationships have closure so that none of your former girlfriends come back to haunt you later. Make sure that you're okay being with this same woman for the rest of your life...even when she begins looking like her mom! Open an account in a Cayman Island bank and stash a good percentage of your net worth there (and continue to do so even after your married). Watch as much football as you can...you know you ain't going to once she owns "half" the remote. Do all those activities your future partner loathes, in excess Be a slovenly selfish pig in your own home, because it will never be acceptable to be so gross ever again! Start a joint checking account Experience any sexual fantasies you may have Return ring and be forced to buy the "right" ring. Listen to everything she tells you about the wedding arrangements, else, no wedding. Have a one on one talk with her parents. Make sure you're sexually compatible before dedicating the rest of your life to her. Prepare a speech... don't wing it. Agree that you will be combining your finances when you are married - the number one cause of divorce in North America is money fights and money problems. Don't get caught up in how expensive and extravagant your wedding has to be - smaller weddings are much easier and often less stressful! Identify any relationship problems before you get married - remember, you have to live with this person for many years to come! Sure, counseling may help, but it's better if you really have a healthy relationship. Get the haircut you always wanted. Take a crash course on how to do house cleaning. Inform your buddies not to prank call your phone number while drunk in the early morning anymore. Select your groomsmen. See at least one more naked woman (see nothing else). Give her your list of wedding invitees immediately and don't add or subtract from it - ever. Talk to married friends about their experiences - find out what to expect in marriage. Keep focused on each other so that you keep your sanity Go to financial counseling together Set a monthly budget Live together to try it out Buy your groomsmen gifts Have a relationship fail and learn why Start a savings account Embark on a difficult project together Listen for problem signs (ie. friends saying that she's not right, family, etc) Visit New York City Snowboard the Alps Play all the video games you own again, because you won't get to again. Make sure your rings fit each other BEFORE going to the altar Pay off the ring. Think once Think twice Think thrice Buy yourself something that's as expensive as that damn engagement ring was. It'll be your last chance! Change your cell phone number so ex-girlfriends don't call you. Visit far off relatives and personally invite them to the wedding. Go by yourself to the movies. Dance with a stranger. Hire a wedding planner. Go out on dates--it's important during this stressful time! Play golf. Buy a large supply of condoms Pick out which of your things you're willing to get rid of and which you've got to keep. It's a partnership, you won't get to keep everything she hates, but if you're smart, you don't have to get rid of all of it. Make peace with an old girlfriend Practice taking care of a baby for a day Make sure you have your own place... NO ROOMMATES!! Move out of your parent's house. Save $1500 for a rainy day. Find out how the other person deals with having a bad day. Get a lap dance Keep your bride sane during the wedding planning. These things make people nuts, be a rock. Book flowers to be delivered for the day of the wedding to your bride to be Clean up your wardrobe and your life to make place for her Approve the cake for the wedding Spend an entire day on the couch in your pajamas. Call an ex-girlfriend - to remind you of all of your faults, so you can improve on them. Come to the realization that no matter how much you improve - it is never enough. Prepare papers for divorce.

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28 Wedding Photos We Like

Finding the right photographer can be scary. Here are 28 shots we like, from the fun to the artistic to the downright weird. All photos link to the photographers' Flickr pages, so you can contact them directly: Great Shots Just fantastic wedding photos: Vintage Shots Wedding Rides Wedding Cake Toppers The Unique and Unusual Cool rituals from weddings around the world, and other unexpected stuff:

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Gifts For A Safari Wedding

So you're holding your wedding in an off-the-wall (or maybe off-the-map) location - who isn't, this year? With destination weddings growing increasingly outlandish, it's anyone's guess where people will start getting married next. If you've found yourself planning a wedding underwater, on a mountaintop, or even in the wilds of Africa, you're probably asking yourself one question: what do I get for groomsmen gifts? And how many inoculations do I need to get? Okay, that's two questions. We'll address the groomsmen gifts question here. If you're giving your groomsmen gifts out before the journey commences, make sure your guys have room enough for all their travel necessities with groomsmen gifts of the Personalized Logan Deluxe Duffle Bag. It's water-resistant, leather-trimmed, and made to last, so it's certainly tough enough to handle all the travel surrounding a safari. And let's face it: wheeled luggage just doesn't travel as well over hard-packed dirt. A safari wedding is a bit different from your standard destination wedding, and in fact it's one of the only destination weddings for which groomsmen gifts of a Dalvey Explorer Compass are really, truly appropriate. You don't want your guys getting lost, do you? When the jackals are roaming, one wrong turn at the Sickle-Leaved Yellowwood tree means your groomsmen could be a tasty alternative to slow and sickly antelope. Actually, better double up on groomsmen gifts this time around - they probably won't say no if you offer up the Pocket Knife with flashlight, just in case. If your groomsmen would rather stay in under the mosquito netting than roam the Serengeti looking for lions, keep them occupied with the Premiere Leather Professional Poker Set. It's compact enough to carry around, so they'll have it handy if they'd rather skip out on elephant-watching and engage in more vice-related pursuits. A world traveler like yourself might have groomsmen who are similarly experienced, so they already have the basics. Don't give up hope - the perfect groomsmen gifts do exist for them. In fact, we'd say that this is about the only occasion in which a flyswatter is a welcome present, especially when it's the aptly-named No. 1 Flyswatter. This baby is hand-crafted out of American oak and Italian bridle leather, and it'll keep the bugs in their rightful place: squished. But squished with class.

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Getting the Guys to Come to Your Destination Wedding

By Dino Londis So you've chosen a destination wedding? Well done. You're starting your new life by eliminating the hassle of a traditional wedding. Once you're buying ukuleles as groomsmen gifts or planning your romantic ski weddingmoon, you'll realize what a brilliant decision you've made. But there are some nuances to such nuptials that must be considered. On your destination wedding, you'll be eloping with your bridal party, family, and closest friends... This could be Fiji, Niagara Falls, Disneyland, anyplace that involves travel. For this we know your friends will thank you too. In fact we figure that by choosing a destination wedding you're likely to have more leverage in getting your guy friends excited about your big day than you'd ever have with a traditional wedding. Have we mentioned plane tickets make the best groomsmen gifts? Seriously though, your destination wedding decision may be the best groomsmen gifts of all for your friends. If we're honest, pretty much the only thing for them to get excited about at a traditional wedding is the bachelor party. Really, watch your friend doze off when you discuss your fianc's gown and veil, but watch them light up when you offer skiing in Vail, Colorado, or diving in the Turks and Caicos, or hiking in the Costa Rican rainforest, or kayaking in Maui. But how do you get them to spend their time, money, and travel on your big event? Involve them in the process. Sure, you have a destination already in mind, and so may your fiance, but open it up for discussion. Along with your wedding announcement, add a line that asks for five recommendations for your destination. Include your email and ask them send you websites that promote particular destinations. Make it fun by offering primo groomsmen gifts as prizes for the top suggestions. When they get the concept that they get to see you hitched and they get to go yachting in St. Croix (for example) they'll find it much harder to turn you down. You might even get suggestions you hadn't even thought of. Another way to get those men to your wedding is selling the sizzle. Focus on the destination more than the wedding. The wedding is only one day; the destination aspect begins as soon as the plane lands. Because you are in an exotic location, the formality of the traditional wedding was left back in your hometown. This is a vacation after all. A pub crawl bachelor party or surfing lessons as groomsmen gifts is a great way to get the guys pumped for your Big Day. If they're hedging even with your offer of great groomsmen gifts, tell them that this destination wedding is the last chance to get all the guys together as bachelors one last time, and that this must not be missed. This could begin a tradition of destination weddings as each guy marries. If they're still reticent, this one always works. Explain that as a member of the wedding party, they will get all the perks of a wedding and honeymoon without having to get married - just call them bonus groomsmen gifts. How? Nothing puts a girlfriend/wife more in an amorous mood, than attending a wedding in paradise. This is every man's dream. It becomes a weeklong bachelor party, but with their girlfriend or wife. Like any successful event, planning and anticipation are critical, and since this is the only time you'll do this (hopefully you're marrying only once in this lifetime), planning takes on even greater importance. Planning far in advance and knowing how many guests will be attending, will give you greater leverage when securing discounts for group rates from the vendors you're using (check for group discounts when you buy groomsmen gifts, too) and this will help with your turnout. A packing list helps prevent leaving behind engagement rings or groomsmen gifts, which would definitely put a damper on the festivities. Prepare, prepare, prepare. Find the common ground that unites your friends: an extreme sport, deep-sea fishing, golf, or it may be something that none of you have done, like auto racing, or fantasy football camp, and then see that your groomsmen gifts and activities lean that way. Since you're combining your honeymoon and the wedding, you may (and we emphasize may) be saving enough money to pay for part or all of your guests' expenses. Trust us, this will almost ensure a full turnout, and you can get away with smaller groomsmen gifts. If expenses are tight, you may want to provide the minimum for your guests, allowing them to add the perks they desire, like bumping up from coach to first class, a single to a suite, a shuttle to a limo, etc. By allowing your friends to have a hand in choosing the destination, highlighting the destination and the romance, including amazing groomsmen gifts, and offering to pay for part of their trip will almost ensure that your buds will witness your first step in your journey into marriage.

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GroomBob 4.0: Groom Bob 4.0: The Wedding Toast

By Bob As everyone knows, with weddings come out-of-town guests. And sometimes out-of-town guests bring unwelcome realizations. An old college buddy of mine, Jaime, had come up for the big day and was currently crashing on our couch. This was delicate in itself, given my fianc Jane, who thought the couch was her personal office, using it to run her internet consulting firm from home so she could work on the wedding plans at the same time. In addition to the couch, the two had generally started driving each other crazy, so Jaime and I went out to grab a drink and take the edge off. "So, Bob," Jaime said, on a commercial break from our sports-induced silence. "We go way back, and uh...I was just curious. Which of our buddies is your best man?" "Nathan," I replied, returning my attention to the Spurs game. "Nathan," Jaime choked, spraying Heineken all over the table. "Yeah, Nathan," I replied. What was the big deal? Nathan was my best buddy, the one whose dad taught us how to fly fish when we were little, who bought me an Eva Langoria poster every year for my birthday, the only person besides me who still thought Kevin Smith movies were hilarious. Nathan was the obvious choice. Jaime clearly felt differently, since he was now laughing so hard I thought beer would spurt out his nose. "What is so funny?" I asked. "Nathan's a good guy." "Oh man," Jaime said. "Don't you get it? Nathan's the one who makes the wedding toast!" Wedding toast? I racked my brain. Perhaps a delicious warmed bread consumed pre-wedding cake? "You really don't get it do you?" Jaime said, calming down. "The best man's the one who makes the big mushy speech, the one designed to bring the audience to tears of joy with his touching words of love, puppies, everlasting sunshine, etc," Oh yes, this was all starting to sound familiar. "And you," Jaime said, still snorting to himself, "picked Nathan. Don't you see? You needed Martin Short, and you brought in Dave Chappelle." "Hmmm," I thought about this, "does Jaime really have a point?" Admittedly, Nathan wasn't the most... eloquent of fellows. His oral repertoire consisted mainly of grunting, pointing, monosyllables, and vulgar humor. So he was succinct. "I know he's a little... reserved," I said. "But I'm sure he will rise to the occasion when necessary." After all, just because he wasn't Wordsworth didn't mean he wasn't still qualified to be my best man. He was my best friend. Wasn't that enough? "Whatever you say man," Jaime said, pushing back his chair. "I'm gonna grab another drink." The more I thought about it, Jaime's questions presented an interesting quandary of ethics versus etiquette. What if Nathan couldn't rise to the occasion? A wedding toast is a pretty big deal, and a poor one could ruin the whole reception. Not to mention really pissing Jane off. But he was my best friend. What does one do when their best man is indeed the best man for the job, but not necessarily the fountain of wit and wisdom needed for a wedding toast? I talked to Jane about it several times, and there was even a tense moment where I considered asking Nathan to step down. My other friend Jake was a writer for a local magazine, and no doubt would be a better toast maker. But Jake stole my girlfriend (curly haired Cindy Larson) in the fourth grade, and cheated in our fantasy football league every year. I didn't want Jake. I wanted Nathan. Again, my ever-resourceful fianc came to my rescue. Jane, sensing my depression, found a site online that actually writes your wedding toast for you. You just answer a few questions online, and then the program creates a personalized wedding speech for you. The site offers a custom wedding toast and an instant wedding toast, for the best man who's also a procrastinator. You even get to choose the tone of the toast, like serious, humorous, or 'not a dry eye in the house'. Pretty nifty huh? This wedding toast writer is perfect for Nathan, who may not be much of a public speaker, but he's memorized more sports stats than any guy I know, another reason why he's my best friend. And thanks to this wedding toast kit, still my best man. Saved by the (wedding) bells once again, —Groom Bob

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GroomBob 6.0: A Vested Interest

By Bob A week before the wedding, I go for my tux fitting. After careful thought, I've decided to buy, not rent. Whether to rent or buy you wedding tux is a personal decision every groom must make. My verdict was reached when the salesman told me if I wore the tuxedo even twice, it would be more cost-conscious to buy the tux, rather than rent one multiple times. I'm not much of a tux man now, but Jane's always dragging me to her high-power, high-tech glitterati, and I have a feeling the whole sport coat and jean thing isn't going to fly once we're married. So I spring for the tux, and as a result have been to about thirty fittings a week for about three months. Nevertheless I go through the obligatory motions, stepping into the dressing room, expecting to feel the familiar sense of deja vus. I step into the pants, begin buttoning the shirt, and... wait a minute, something is wrong! The button won't close, won't budge, what the #@%! I looked down and noticed an unfamiliar bulge in my belly that I swear hadn't been there a month, or even a week ago. Looking back I considered what I had eaten that week: Gordito's Tacos with the guys, Jane's homemade lasagna, ice cream pie with the in-laws, midnight snack Eskimo Pie to ward off wedding stress... "My gosh," I realized in horror. "I am the victim of wedding weight." Wedding weight, much like the freshmen fifteen is a horrible affliction that occurs at an already stressful point in your life. As brides scurry off to the gym to look buff and sculpted for the big day, grooms are left with many stressful errands along with wedding fears and concerns they can't talk about to anyone. They figure they have found The One, so the apathetically consume whatever food is in sight to alleviate their stress. The result is wedding weight, and I was staring mine in the unforgiving dressing room mirror as I again tried to force the stupid, stubborn button into place. Of course the button popped off and rolled onto the floor with an accusatory ping! The salesman who had sold me the suit came to check on me. "Is everything all right sir?" he asked. "Oh yes, everything's fine," I replied hastily, trying to button the jacket over the offensive hole. It was no use. I looked like a J. Lo video and there was no way I was walking down the aisle in a peek-a-boo tux shirt. What was I going to do? "Why don't you step outside and show me how it looks?" the salesman said. "Aah, sure," I said, again attempting to button my suit over the humiliating gap. "Oh, my" said the salesman when I emerged with a good half inch of hairy gut hanging out Homer Simpson style over my tux jacket. "Are we missing a button? We can always sew it back on." I didn't have the heart to tell him if we sewed the button back on, the same problem would probably occur again. I had already paid for the shirt and tried it on multiple times. The arms were stretched out and it reeked off Aqua Di Gio, the fancy cologne Jane had bought me for Christmas. There was no way I could exchange it for a larger size. What could I do? My wedding was a week away. There was no time for a Benicio Del Toro diet. I was screwed. Luckily the salesman came up with a solution. Two hours later, after multiple twists and tucks, I was standing in the three way mirror, proudly admiring my wedding attire, now complete with an all-concealing classic groom's vest. The salesman assured me that groom's vests are in fact the height of fashion, and that no I did not look like Willy Wonka, and yes the vest hid the wedding weight perfectly. For any groom out there who finds himself the unexpected victim of wedding weight gain, a grooms vest is a handy solution. For a uniform look, suggest your groomsmen wear them as well. My groom's vest is light green (clover actually, according to the salesman) and actually looks pretty snappy with the charcoal gray tux, if I do say so myself. Best of all, my little weight gain will be carefully concealed, to be worked off on the honeymoon, naturally. And the salesman? Now an honored wedding guest.

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GroomBob 3.0: Bachelor Party

By Bob About a month closer to W-day since the last time I wrote, and things were actually starting to take on a sheen of calm. The cake filling (apricot guava) had been selected, the bridesmaid dresses (red taffeta) were chosen, and we had even decided on the all-important down the aisle music-Cat Stevens. Hey, with apricot guava and red taffeta in the mix, you have to have a little tradition, right? But just as serenity, a ceasefire of the endless chattering of cake makers, caterers, and musicians threatened to enter, and tenuous thoughts of maybe even an afternoon on the couch watching sportscenter flitted through my mind, tradition took a turn for the, well, tawdry. "This is soooo great," squealed Jane, flopping down on the couch next to me, her green eyes sparkling. In my old football jersey she looked adorable, nymph like, and I reached out to pull her close. "I know babe," I said, resting my chin on her head. "We're finally done with the wedding plans." "I know," she agreed, snuggling her chin into the crook of my neck. "Now we just have to plan our bachelor party." I was glad Jane's face was blissfully buried so she wouldn't be able to see the look on my face. "Your bachelor party?" I said carefully, thinking maybe I just heard her incorrectly. "Oh Bob, you're so silly," Jane trilled, playfully wagging a finger at me. "Girls don't have bachelor parties." "Oh yeah," I said, surrepticiously rubbing my brow in relief. "I forgot." "Yeah, the new thing now is to have a joint bachelor/bachelorette party, don't you know?" continued Jane. "I saw it on that reality show, you know the one where the rockstar and the model get married, and they have like this joint casino night with cigar girls walking around..." Cigar girls, casino night, and Jane? This equation was not adding up. There were cigars, there were girls, there were casinos, and then there was my fianc. The four did not mix in my mind, not one bit. Needless to say my bachelor party visions up to this point had been vague, but roughly included the traditional drunken male hijinks, beer bonging, a mechanical bull, and maybe being chained to a blow up doll for the night. My only goal had been to come home without a mohawk or a permanent 'mom' tattoo. It seemed Jane had something much different in mind. But the more I thought about it over the next week, the more I realized most bachelor parties I had been to were more of an excuse for my friends who were already married to engage in the forgotten drunken debauchery of their youth, rather than a celebration of the groom's good fortune to have found such a wonderful woman to spend his life with. And like any milestone, birthdays, anniversaries, etc, you want your day of celebration to be genuine, unique, full of the things you truly enjoy. For me those things included fine cigars, belly dancing, delicious foods, and my fianc. So two weeks later, when I found myself in a swanky downtown Moroccan restaurant Sinja, being fed exotic treats by women in fuchsia fringe, viewing my buddies enjoy the dancers while my wife mingled happily through the crowded room, I thought the whole thing was a lot better than some dumpy dive bar playing two dollar black jack and then driving through Gordito's, which is what would have happened if it wasn't for my ever enlightened, reality TV addicted fianc. I'd be remiss, however, if I didn't mention some of the finer nuances that come along with a joint bachelor/bachelorette party, but potential complications are easily avoided with just a few simple supplies, a sort of survival kit, easily found at stores or on the internet. One thing I would recommend: t-shirts, or some sort of clothing item, identifying the bride and groom. I saw a great one proclaiming "Last Night of Freedom". Pick up a Groom Bob T-Shirt and other bachelor party t-shirts at this cool site. Otherwise, well people came to party and the dancers are just doing their jobs right? Two: a money clip. This will discourage drunken grooms from wantonly shoving their crumpled one-dollar bills into belly dancers thongs, and the cold metal clip is a good foreshadowing of the steely looks and silences you will endure later that night if you choose to go through with said crumpling. Check out the Dalvey money clip, or an ingenious money clip watch combo, for instance. Finally, a compass is not a bad idea, since a joint party includes the complication of two equally incoherent drunk people trying to find their way home at dawn. Dalvey also makes a compass, for one-stop shoppers such as myself. If you can't have the luxury of knowing your sweetly concerned soon-to-be-spouse is waiting anxiously by the phone, ready to give you a ride at any time, a compass is a close second. And if I couldn't have the traditional drunken free-for-all party every guy plans on, I'd say the joint party is a close second too. Until next time. —Groom Bob A note from Groomstand: Who is Groom Bob? We received this note from 'Bob' last week. Hopefully the lessons he learns about groomsmen gifts, ettiquette and yes, the Chinese zodiac, can help you out, too. Stay tuned.

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Groom's Checklist

Sorry to tell you, but even if you're feeling relieved because she said "yes," you're not out of the woods yet. Sure she is going to do the majority of work for the wedding, but rest assured, there is a lot of stuff that can go into the Big Day-and that includes details that are the groom's responsibility. Our advice is that you rent a convertible and head strait to Vegas. That way, you don't have to deal with all the wedding hoopla. If this isn't an option, however, and there's no getting out of throwing this shindig for all of those relatives you've never seen before, we give you The Lighter Side of the Groom's Check List. 6-12 Months Before The Big Day... You've Got Plenty Of Time On The Clock Buy the ring. Promise rings don't work, and stay away from the eBay. Discuss with fiance the date and type of wedding you want. Make sure it doesn't conflict with your sales meetings, important playoff games, etc. Choose your best man and wedding party. This is your starting lineup. Start on your guest list. Think about who will give you large amounts of money. Discuss and finalize a budget. Very important, fellas. Ever go into a strip joint with unlimited funds? It's the same idea with women and weddings, so get control quickly. Limit asking yourself if she's the one to 16 times a day-that's once every waking hour. She must be the one...after all you asked her to marry you, right? 3-5 Months... Second Half Of The Game Has Started Shop with fiance for wedding rings-the band that goes with her diamond ring and your ring. In other words, keep forking out the cashola. Complete guest list and include names, addresses and phone numbers- a major pain, to say the least. Better learn how to use Microsoft Excel. Select tuxedo with fiance. Try to go on a Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday, because tux shops are less busy on these days. Get tux measurements of all attendants in your party. Discuss the honeymoon, and begin working with a travel agent, or start scouring the Internet for great travel deals. This is an area you can pretend to be interested in, especially if you can find a fantastic honeymoon package. Decide on a band or DJ and choose the music. Again, an area you have some interest in. Bring your iPod with all your favorite music so you can easily reference songs with the DJ. Trust us, your fiance (and the DJ) will be impressed. Discuss moving in together or buying a new home. Hats off to you if you can afford one after the wedding. Budget check time. You are the Chief Financial Officer in this case. Ask your fiance for a recap. Warning: don't wait until you're 60 days away from the wedding or you can count on her being to be over budget. Notify your business associates of the dates of your wedding and honeymoon. Stop thinking about one last fling-well, you can think about it, just don't do it! It's time to be man and welcome married life with open arms! 2 Months... Better Start Making Some First Downs Meet with officiant to finalize ceremony details. Be prepared to answer how you fell in love, what you both do to resolve conflict and your religious backgrounds. Your goal here is to be politically correct. Discuss with your best man his responsibilities. He's the team captain, so make sure he takes his role seriously. You will need the help, trust us. Plan your rite of passage - yup, it's your bachelor party, with booze, poker and strippers. Don't go out to a NICE dinner with the guys because she says so. Arrange accommodations for out-of-town guests. Get this off your plate and give the responsibility to your fiance. Stay out of any family disagreements. It's a no-win battle. Might as well start practicing this now. Figure out seating chart with your fiance. Your fiance doesn't know Auntie Bee hates Uncle Bob unless you tell her. Start jogging a couple of times a week. It's a good stress reliever, and if you can't take the pressure anymore, just keep running, running, running...just kidding, you aren't going anywhere. 1 Month... The Blitz Is On! Purchase gifts for the guys in your wedding party (aka groomsmen gifts). If you both agreed to a prenuptial agreement, have it drawn up and signed. If gifts are being exchanged, buy the present for your fiance. Spend, spend, spend! Hey, it doesn't get any better when you're married. Again, might as well get used to it! Make sure all of your guests have RSVP'd, wedding rings are in hand and tux details are complete. If moving, give change of address card to post office, contact utilities companies, etc. Buy Tagamet and/or Zantac for your stomach. You can purchase it over the counter now, and don't worry-it's not a tumor, just nausea. 2 Weeks... Out Of Time-outs With your fiance, gather necessary documents and get your marriage license - yes, it's really happening. Eat toast in the morning, no eggs...keep it bland. Arrange wedding-day transportation. Get your hair cut. Don't wait 'til the day before. Allow your hair to grow in. You don't want that new haircut look in your wedding photos. Now you can offer to assist your fiance if needed, because by now everything should be taken care of anyway. Reconfirm all honeymoon details. Finalize all business responsibilities and prepare to be gone for a couple of weeks. Have your bachelor party, because it's your night and you're going to need it! Remember, no pictures. Use the air conditioning a lot. It helps keep the clamminess away. Buy six sessions at the tanning salon if you're looking pale at this stage. Remember to get those groomsmen gifts! Won't do to tick off your teammates... 1 Week... 4th Down, No Time-outs Pick up tuxedos and make sure you try it on again. Nothing like high waters to kill the look. Take off a few days from work. You will have a lot to do this week. Notify your wedding party of the time of the wedding rehearsal and dinner. Throw out your little black book. What part of "it's all over" don't you understand? The Night Before... Throw The Hail Mary Bomb & Hope Stay calm because chances are there will be problems that will arise. Anytime your mom and mother in-law are together, there are bound to be problems. Have a brew and rent a video. We recommend Dead Man Walking with Sean Penn. Congratulations! You're Ready For A Wonderful Wedding Day. Hey, you made it, buddy. Enjoy, because it's your day too!

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